Bachelor 21, Episode 4 The Nickerdoodle

Everyone resents Corinne for her and Nick’s public displays of erection. Vanessa tells Nick that Corinne is merely girlfriend material because wives don’t grind in bouncy houses, they puke in Zero G. She threatens to return her Date Rose. Vanessa is heavily banking on Nick also thinking that men start with horny, carefree girlfriends, but then put them aside when they come of age to take no-nonsense breeders to wife. Nick has dumped everyone who challenged his integrity so far, but this gives him pause. Is it time to put away childish Corinnes?

Meanwhile, Sarah and very grown up for her age Taylor decide to confront Corinne about how annoying it is losing to her. Sarah’s just excited to get camera time, but Taylor is on a crusade. She’s one year younger than Corinne, but she’s the “mature” type of young contestant, the kind that recites her resume and is a stickler for made up rules dictating other women’s sexual behavior. “I graduated early and no sex before Fantasy Suites!” She and Sarah wake up Sn’orinne to tell her she’s privileged and needs to stop humping her way through the show. Corinne sets them straight, “I’m not privileged in any way shape or form.” So that’s settled.

At the Rose Ceremony, Nick sends home Christen and Brittany. Their claims to fame are tattling to Nick about Liz and absolutely nothing. Nick then trolls his girlfriends by inviting Corinne to give a toast. They’re fuming, but if you’re serious about winning this, you want the Corinnes to stay in for as long as possible.

The next day, Chris Harrison delights everyone with a trip to Nick’s hometown of Waukesha, WI. Nick’s parents, Chris and Mary, take him out for a public cry at a café. His mom tells him she hopes he experiences love like he never has before, and his dad tells him enough is enough, this show is for losers.

Nick invites Danielle L. (winner of the Backstreet Boys date) for a walk around town. He tells us he knows she is hot, and maybe she is other things, too. Nick shares anecdotes about growing up in Waukesha and Danielle maintains a steady receptive giggle. They step into a local bakery and frost self-portraits on shortbread, then Nick serves up a small town boy specialty: an accidental run in with an ex. Nick invites Danielle to sit down to coffee with this rando so he can gauge her pain tolerance. Danielle accepts his challenge, and hugs the ex in greeting. This is like in Kung Fu when Caine lifts the boiling cauldron out of his path with his bare forearms. Nick follows a brief recap of their relationship with a tour of every place in town he’s hooked up with someone else. She allows this, too, and Nick worries over cocktails that Danielle may not have any flaws. She assures him that sometimes she wears sweatpants and her parents are divorced, so there’s a lot going on under the surface. Then she plays her trump card – she didn’t research Nick before coming on the show. Danielle is promptly rewarded for her willful ignorance with the Date Rose, a Country/Pop Concert, and a make out session on an elevated platform.

On the Group Date, Nick takes Rachel, Alexis, Vanessa, Jasmine, Jaimi, Sarah, Whitney, Kristina, Astrid, Taylor, Josephine, Danielle M., and Corinne to shovel shit on a dairy farm. He’s from a city, but all Bachelors are honorary country boys. Nick fumbles with a cow teat, Corinne hides from her chores, and a barn full of Mary Anns grumble about Ginger.

That evening, Kristina tells Nick in her delicious Russian accent that she has a dark backstory, but it will cost him a 1 on 1 Date to find out more. He tips his fedora over his eyes and tells the dame he’ll think about it. Next up, Vanessa puts her legs on him under a blanket, but remember, this means nothing because she’s wife material. She pulls out a book of drawings and compliments that she made her students assemble and has Nick read them aloud to her. Between Taylor’s resume and Vanessa’s character references, I’m beginning to appreciate Corinne’s interview style. Show, don’t tell.

Rachel tells Nick she’s bad at opening up but really wants to be there but is uncomfortable but wants to be vulnerable. Essentially she shuffles the deck and deals out four. While the women take their turns seducing Nick, Corinne makes a play for the moral high ground and confronts the pack for talking about her. Then she takes the lead on her spin and tells Nick she addressed things with the women and everything’s fine from here on out. Corinne benefits from all the guys that resented Nick in previous seasons, and he gives her a pass. The Date Rose goes to Kristina, for potentially having a tragic past.

Raven gets the second 1 on 1 Date of the week, themed: Let’s kick it. She jumps/straddles Nick and asks if they’re playing baseball. No, they’ll be kicking a soccer ball around with his sister, Bella, the eleven year old whose approval all Nickophants must win. They run drills with her team, briefly meet Nick’s parents, then take Bella roller skating after her game. Wholesomeness achieved, they ditch Bella for a dinner date at an art museum, and Raven catches Nick up on her best attributes: she’s not a child of divorce, and she’ll beat any man who crosses her with his sidepiece’s stiletto. Nick’s into it. They rollerskate through the museum and she squeaks out our first, “I’m falling in love.”

At the next pre-Rose Ceremony Cocktail Party, Taylor temporarily shifts her target from Corinne to Danielle M., but this just makes her look petty. Girl who ate a raw hot dog defects to Corinne’s side, which is a kind of victory. Taylor accuses Corinne of lacking emotional intelligence, and Corinne loudly declares Taylor disrespectful. That was well played. Corinne tucks this documented injustice in her pocket and prepares for battle.

In extra features,  we find out that dolphin enthusiast Alexis is scared of Nick Cage and aliens. She hasn’t disappointed yet.

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