Bachelor 20, Episode 6 Talk Smart Things

The women have bonded over their common enemy, integrity Olivia. She compared Amanda’s childcare arrangements to Teen Mom a second ago, which made righteous their more bullshit complaints that she’s “selfish” and “disrespectful” (because she’s the first to pull aside Ben each cocktail party). Of course, the other women could do this too, but as JoJo articulates later in the episode, none of them have ever had to work for attention before and they resent having to now. Ben asks each girl independently to say something mean about Olivia, and still nothing solid materializes. After the women fail to incriminate her before the Rose Ceremony, Ben pulls Olivia aside so she can incriminate herself. She tells him between tearless sobs that unlike the other women, she prefers reading books in her room to nail polish and social grooming. Talk smart to me, Ben.

The producers won’t let Ben cut Olivia until the rejection can be deeply personal, so she stays and the women lament that a more deserving woman will go home. It is widely understood that Ben liking someone is unrelated to her being “deserving.” A brunette gets cut, and now I’m not sure if Ben can even see “Still Here” Leah. He can’t cut her if he can’t see her. What if she’s Bruce Willis and I’m Haley Joel Osment?

After the Rose ceremony, they relocate to the Bahamas, and Becca’s never seen anything like it. This is because on her last season, Bachelor Chris Soules took her to…South Dakota! Caila gets the One On One Date, because other than politely laughing and being exoticized, Caila hasn’t really distinguished herself. Ben stops by the house to pick her up, shirt tantalizingly unbuttoned (Ben, not Caila), and narrowly avoids sitting on Bruce Willis/Leah, who he still doesn’t notice.

Ben and the Sex Panther go deep sea fishing, which involves this absolutely necessary equipment:

Wrong Direction.png

They’re both facing the wrong way, but they still have fun. Over dinner, Ben tells us Caila is too smiley for him. She’ll have to counter that smile with either a sob story or admission of love. She asks if she can maybe skip the personal essay since she’s a pretty happy person and doubts that she loves him? Ben insists that she provide an authentic, unscripted moment. Cornered, Caila releases a barrage of statements that start with “I feel” and end in stream of consciousness ramblings, like she’s reading us Johnny Got His Gun. I feel like I love you. I’m not ready. I can’t totally fall in love. My greatest fear is breaking your heart. I’m going to hurt you. You understand me. I feel like you want other people to be loved, and that resonated with me. And that’s what I’m looking for in life. I feel like I love you. I feel like I want you in my life. I feel happy. This is real happiness. This is real. Ben declares this the best date he’s ever been on. Rose.

Lauren B., Becca, Amanda, JoJo, Lauren H., and Bruce Willis get the group date. They play a rousing game of Bachelor In Paradise, protecting themselves from aggressive pigs while gripping hot dogs and glaring jealously at each other. Everyone pouts. When Ben was a contestant on The Bachelorette, he politely let Kaitlyn and Poor Man’s Ryan Gosling hook up in his room while he showered. Why can’t these contestants show the same courtesy?

Ben interviews the women one by one to address their irritation. His obvious interest in Lauren B. bothers everyone. Becca tells him he did nothing wrong. She’s in. Amanda tells Ben he’s doing a good job. She’s in. You can judge the couples by how much of Ben’s leg ends up on the woman. Bruce Willis/Leah says Lauren B. is fake, though the poor editing betrays that she didn’t actually name names. No Ben leg for Leah. Because it would pass right through her. Ben tells Lauren B. she’s been called out, and she confides a coping mechanism, “Honestly when I’m with you I don’t think about anything.” She’s in, but the Group Date rose goes to safe choice (m)Amanda.

That night, Bruce Willis/Leah sneaks over to Ben’s house on the off chance that she’ll take corporeal form by moonlight. Ben’s just hanging out with his camera crew, and welcomes this late night ghost booty call. Unfortunately, Leah uses her mouth to talk. Eventually Ben finds an opportunity to interrupt and shows her the door (with a red handle). It must be nice to break up with someone and know a crew is on hand to immediately deport her.

Olivia and Emily get the 2 on 1 Date the next day, a classic maneuver to ensure one crazy person stays. The women primp in the customary way – they pack their luggage and dress in honor of their home districts. Introducing Gemini, the tribute from Vegas:

Vegas

They boat out to an isolated beach, a preferred franchise dumping locale. Olivia keeps her mutant feet buried in the sand at all times and tells Ben deep intellectual things are her jam. Also, she’s in love. Gemini sticks to the kink appeal and asks him to be her babysitter. Nice read, Twin. Ben does her hair, dumps Olivia and keeps Alpha Twin Emily, who makes no pretense of intellectualism. Ben puts off the ride back with Emily by Instagramming pics of himself working up the courage to jump.

Ben Suicide.png

Back at the hotel, Ben cancels the Rose Ceremony Cocktail Party. He’s dumping this next woman for sure. Amanda, Twin, and Caila are already safe, and JoJo, Becca, Lauren B. make it through, too. We bid goodbye to Blond Juliette Lewis, Casual Racist, Hopeful Soccer Mom in a Chicken Suit, Lauren H.

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