It is painfully obvious from the get-go that it’s down to Nick v. Poor Man’s Ryan Gosling, Eskimo Inuit Brothers for life! But first we have a red herring date with leading candidate for Bachelor Season 20/possible Eunuch, AdoraBen. Kaitlyn calls him cute and praises how hardworking a husband he would be. Ten points to Hufflepuff! Kaitlyn invites him to the Fantasy Suite for some pre-dumping tomfoolery, and he exclaims with girlish delight:
The next morning, they eat chocolate chip pancakes and giggle until AdoraBen’s mom comes to pick him up.
Her next date is golfing with real boyfriend PMRG. He changes from extremely tight jeans to extremely tight pants to extremely tight legging underwear before Kaitlyn invites him to the Fantasy Suite and wonders why her boyfriends don’t like each other more. On Gosling’s way home from his overnight date, he is met by his annoying Inuit Brother, Nick:
The producers delivered Nick to pick a fight, but Gosling refuses to hear him out, and we get on to the Rose Ceremony. Kaitlyn cuts AdoraBen from the show, and he does his best impression of human talk: “I would love to be able to share life longer with you.” He gets sent off in the loser limo, and Nick and PMRG are left alone together in the Rose Ceremony room avoiding eye contact like two people on an elevator who both forgot to press their button.
The final three cast members leave Ireland for Utah to introduce Kaitlyn to the guys’ families, and Nick tells her how being one of the final two contestants in a nationally broadcast love competition show this year differs from being one of the final two last year. Super different. She meets his family, artfully dodges their questions, and leaves Nick crying with his mom.
Meanwhile, Poor Man’s Ryan Gosling has changed back into his extremely tight jeans to introduce Kaitlyn to his family. They all hit it off, and Gosling tells her he loves her. For whatever reason, Kaitlyn doesn’t say it back and instead leaves for an emotional interview. Why the tears? Is she overwhelmed by guilt because she’s about to publicly dump Nick exactly how he was dumped a year ago? Are her false lashes causing permanent damage to her tear ducts? Does she regret keeping Ben H. and not Ben Z. for her last fling Fantasy Suite date? Yes. Yes. Dear God, yes.
Wit and Slander 
“I really feel like I’m supposed to be on a horse.”
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Everyone on that show should get to be on a horse at least once.
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