This episode starts with Poor Man’s Ryan Gosling seeking reassurance from Kaitlyn, and Kaitlyn worrying he knows she slept with Nick. He puts her on the spot the same way Nick Viall called out Andi- “Remember when you snuck down to see me and told me off camera that I’d already won it? Then why are you still dating the other guys?” PMRG, you are the front-runner, but do not try to subvert the process. Not on Kaitlyn’s watch. PMRG is knocked down a peg, by a little thing I like to call Takesies backsies. “Oh yeah, I remember when I told you that you were the one, PMRG. Takesies backsies!” He spends the rest of the episode yelling, “No take backs!” to no avail.
Nick and the last of the guys whose name we never learned go for a walk. Seriously, what is his name? I swear he told us again just last week. Anyway, Dead Man Walking:
Nick and Dead Man Walking go for a…walk and it’s fun to see them talk strategy. Nick’s strategy, “Vill.” Dead Man Walking’s strategy, “Lay really low. Really, really low.”
This is all followed by the unfortunately named 2 on 1 date in which JJ declares he is his own worst enemy. So on this date it will be Joe vs. JJ vs JJ, presumably facing the threat of Iocane Powder in this field:
Both men have a secret to share with Kaitlyn. Kentucky Joe confesses he is falling in love with her. She says thanks. JJ, who is actually a lot of people’s worst enemy, confesses that he cheated on his wife, directly leading to his divorce and split custody of his daughter. When he first said he was going to share his biggest regret, my heart raced. Was it the fight with Clint? Pairing that tie with that shirt a while back? Murdering those hookers? But cheating? Oh JJ, we sigh. We knew already. I think deep down we’ve always known, though we never wanted to admit it. JJ gets dumped, but even with him gone, Kaitlyn withholds the rose from Joe until they’ve jumped back in their boat and stranded JJ on the beach.
At the Rose Ceremony Cocktail Party, AdoraBen confronts Kaitlyn. He knows something went down between Kaitlyn and PMRG. She tells AdoraBen all about Takesies Backsies, and he’s fine. Then Kaitlyn makes a “toast” that mentions making mistakes, and we get to watch Nick and PMRG panic together. Nick promises Kaitlyn he’ll tell no one they slept together and then cries. Nick kind of sounds like Kaitlyn’s Secret Boyfriend. PMRG is taunted with more cries of “takesies backsies, takesies backsies!”
At the Rose Ceremony, Ben “The Juggernaut” Z. and Dead Man Walking don’t get roses. The Juggernaut gives a very charming and emotional goodbye and honors Josh the Welder’s memory by calling Kaitlyn a beautiful girl, a cool girl, and an amazing woman. Poor Man’s Ryan Gosling is in but he has been warned.
Then Kaitlyn picks Everyone’s High School Boyfriend Jared for a 1 on 1 roadtrip to the Blarney Stone so she can finally play all those mix tapes he made her. After the date, Chris Harrison shows up and tells her, “Enough already with PMRG and Nick! New rules. You have to
eat all your vegetables date all of the other guys before you get PMRG and Nick. In one week, she has to cut the guys down to 3, so they can have legitimate off-camera sex in the Fantasy Suites.
With three dates to go before she makes the cuts, Chris the Dentist wins the first one, a helicopter ride to the Cliffs of Moher. There’s something about him that reminds me of Tom Cruise. I don’t know if it’s his intensity, or the jawline, or the deeply repressed homosexuality, but I like it. Kaitlyn isn’t into the date AT ALL, and eventually breaks down crying. He’s her perfect man on paper, but something’s not right. Probably the jawline. She dumps him, runs away and hops on the helicopter. He is left for dead, sobbing on the Cliffs of Moher. Sorry Cupcake, gotta get to those Fantasy Suites!